VENUS

Come on

Come on

Come on,

Let’s analyse it.

Waves keep pounding,

Socking my jaw.

Here comes one more - sh —

I’m seeing foam, 

I’m eating sand,

I’m a feeder on the ocean’s bottom floor.

Lucky thing, I rented good lungs

‘Cos you need your breath when you’re under the Big 1’s thumb.

Still. Gotta do what you do:

It’s called WAVE ANALYSIS.

Counting sets, always wet.

They peak, they crash - 

They tease, they disappoint and upset.

Roll, rotate. Like a washing machine.

Pacific Ocean’s a bitch god -

Turn you upside down, drop you like you’re Not

Then leave you in a total mess.

Even your swim trunks got sucked off.

You may be a surf god but, you sir - you’re in a state of undress.

Please note:

There’s no Smith, there’s no Wesson underwater to redress things.

Anyway. 

Pacific. Deep. Trenches are terrific. 

Wait - what if –

Hey, maybe that ocean bitch is actually a goddess?

For your sake, bro - I hope not. 

‘Cos if that’s the case you got bigger problems than Dirty Diggers undressing.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

No man ever scared me - well, maybe one?

Not rilly. A man may hate a man but as a man to man, he understands.

– Any road, let’s get back to scorn.

Nothing is more scary than a bitch who feels or has been wronged!

It’s true. I don’t care if she stands high heels to five foot one.

No matter. See, that energy she’s got when she got dropped -

That’s something else. That’s something awesome.

Awesome as in Shock & Awe.

We’re not talking good times here -

We’re talking about your head on the floor.

You know the Q. When the B#’s get hangry, you run for the door.

No time to think. Like a soldier, it’s time to run from the war.

If you don’t see no door then make for the window.

Crash it like you mean it - like Jackie Chan gone full-bore.

Hope you make it.

Triple-glazing may give you a facelift.

Prang! Slide to the floor - you’re all outta draw.

So. What to do when there’s no way through?

When a 64-head goddess is ready to slice you raw?

I’ll tell you what. 

Devil was depicted as a kinda transgender beast.

God was always painted like the Sea’s Old Man.

They say, Fear God’s wrath -

Hands up! I’m sure they’re not wrong.

BUT

Did they ever see a Goddess that’s gone Don King Kong?

Huh? Yeah, let’s talk it out. Let’s not fuck around.

Me? Cyphy? I seen a couple in a couple of towns.

Fine bitches. Big hearts, got smarts - real sweethearts.

Love them. Kiss them. Pillowtalk ‘til the break of dawn.

Yah, baby. It’s all sunshine, all the time.

Until you walk the line, just one more time 

– And it’s gone. In one. Bad eclipse. 

Darkness. Caterwauls. Donner & Blitz.

The goddess, she wreaks lighting - she thunderbolts.

You? You got it wrong.

Thought you could compensate. 

You hoped it was never too late…

Yuh. I know. That be the second the stack blows.

The explosion’s one thing but that’s not all.

Yes. It’s dangerous. Toxic.

You gotta take the fall.

No FIRE EXIT means you’re against the wall.

And that’s not all.

After the Big Bomb,

When the mushroom cloud has finally gone

You think you’re done?

Ha! No way, Don Juan. 

This ain’t Pay or Play.

The payback’s just beginning -

I mean, like if the goddess is a crazy one.

What’s next? Dutch courage? I’ll tell you, chum.

Sorry to be a bearer but it’s not much fun.

Next is - Chernobyl. Cold fusion. Dr Evil. Nitro-frozen balls.

Reactors filled with SCRAM juice that will make you numb.

Stage 1. That’s Fire.

Make it to Burns Unit like a Pirelli tyre.

Stage Two. Deep Freeze.

Used to be called the ‘cold shoulder’, I believe.

Like I say: when it’s killswitch time you better hope that’s all.

- I dunno how I got on to this trip?

Me, I’m a mad lover. Not a hater. 

Maybe I’m a ‘gator. 

Sorry! Gotta eat sometimes.

This ain’t about me, yo.

What can I say?

Now I remember - thanks to the flake.

It was about when bitches trip.

About how it’s fast. It’s fury. Fierce like none other.

By the end you’re so weak you can’t even call yo mama :(

At the time, however, you’re deep in trauma.

You’re like DEAD MAN but even deader.

You’re so inboxed you’ll take any way out.

Hear things. Say things. It’s one big delirium.

“I beg you. Please. Please feed me to the paper shredder”.

That kinda thing. Awkward talk. Plank walk.

And no - if she’s a real witch bitch -

No. For a long time it’s not gonna get better.

Okay. That’s enough.

What’s the moral of the story?

What’s the strudel in the pudding?

I guess it’s this.

The fact that Man may be fierce,

Can be angry, sure enough Man likes to act the big Heavy.

Me, I’ll take a man’s bear hug anyday

Or a left-hook or a crowbar

From a dude with a bike and a face that’s like beardy…

Prefer that to a face-off with a dame who’s gone outlawry.

Duck. Run. Jump. You’re so out of satori.

What was it? What’s the moral?

It’s just a warning, that’s all. 

Take it from an old timer -

If you prefer peace to war.

Uh. Here’s the nugget. Here’s the learning. Hear the 101.

DON’T CROSS THEM LADIES - JUST DON’T DO IT!

Not unless you’re into monsters’ cabals.

If you do, by the way, say goodbye to the life that was yours.

You get it? I’m no pussy but I’m just saying -

Pick your battles. Hang onto your drawers!

P.S.

Don’t be fooled by Hermes scarves or les miserable shawls.

Man might be bigger but woman she’s got claws and mores.

I love ‘em anyway. 

But when they’re angry?

That’s when they be like Mongolians at war.